I Can Get Dressed Myself!
When WILL my child dress themselves, and how do I teach them? This is a question that you may ponder to yourself OFTEN, especially if you are in a place with wintery weather, where packing on all those layers can feel like an olympic sport! The truth of the matter is, with lots of patience and PLENTY of opportunity for observation and exploration, children will learn to dress all on their own...exactly when they are ready.
Today, we're talking about how to help your child learn how to fully get dressed on their own.
I'm Aubrey Hargis, Montessorian and mom of two. One of the things I love most about Montessori is how children learn to be independent through our gentle guidance. When I was a mom of young children, sometimes I found it difficult to know how hard I should push my children when I knew that they could do something, but they didn't have the confidence yet. Over time, I found it easier and easier to recognize their needs...because education is a journey we take with our children, and the opportunities for learning start over every day.
Hey Sweet Friend
This episode is for you ESPECIALLY if you have a toddler or a young preschooler who is in the throes of learning to dress themselves! There is also some GREAT advice to be heard from Constellation member and Homeschool of the Redwoods alumna, Rebecca.
But first, if you’ve been considering working with me, or want to learn more about what I do, you can take a free mini course from me! I offer two: One of them is called Find the Calm, and it is a five day course to help you to tune into your child and help calm that hyperness as you calm yourself. It is there to give you tips and strategies and techniques to stay grounded in your Montessori parenting. The other is all about how to use the free Montessori homeschooling planner that I designed! If you're considering diving into Montessori Homeschool and want to know how to plan, this is a great resource!
Meet Rebecca
Each week, I like to feature someone who is a part of our Child of the Redwoods community! The participants in this community are such a huge part of what makes it special. Today, I’m sharing a little with you about Rebecca! Rebecca is a Homeschool of the Redwoods: Primary Alumna and a current participant in our membership group, Constellation! You can learn more about Rebecca here.
Remember: We Are An Aid to Life!
Here's what I want you to keep in mind as you navigate your child’s learning to dress themselves--whether you have a toddler or preschooler practicing those skills now, or you have a baby and are considering how you might what to handle it: as Montessori guides, we are an aid to life.
Most neurotypical children will eventually have the drive to dress themselves; most adults know how to dress themselves. Children and adults in different stages of life with neurological differences have certain needs, and they may require aid for a much longer period of time and different kinds of aid. But most children will someday have the desire to dress themselves.
This means that our job is so much more simple! It's to just be in admiration and anticipation that this moment will come and to trust that it is the right time for your child to dress themselves when they start to show interest and ability.
This can be very hard for parents. Here in the United States, there are very specific ideas about how we expect children to grow up and what we expect them to do at certain ages. In fact, there are whole collections of books, what your child should know by each age and stage. The truth is, learning cannot be leveled.
In Montessori, we call ages zero to six the first plane. These children will start to show this desire to dress themselves if we give them the opportunities to...but we never know when that will be. That is the TRUTH!
So we must never assume, but always provide opportunity! In the Montessori world, we tend to value this and give children lots and lots of patience and time to attempt and experiment. And in fact, Maria Montessori built this into the curriculum itself. We make the learning available to them, then they can choose when they're ready to do it.
So our job is to model for them, and to continue to give them the opportunity: by offering for them to try a part of the process, or by gentle, benign neglect--standing back and seeing what happens. Sometimes, the child will come up and ask you for help or express a need, and that’s fine! But other times, there will be these little bubbly moments of inspiration where the child will emerge from their room fully dressed.
Now they might not be dressed appropriately; the clothes might be backwards, or inappropriate for the scenario. They will usually discover their mistakes themselves, but sometimes we can help them by asking: “Did you want to put your shirt on right side out? I noticed that the tag is in the front.”
Our OTHER job is also to scaffold these skills to help the child build them step by step. Your toddler’s interest might start with shoes--so you’re going to let them explore, and then practice each piece of that skill that they need to be successful. In Montessori, there is a special material to teach this skill. Enter…
The Montessori Dressing Frames!
If you go into a Montessori classroom today, you will likely see a little stand over somewhere next to a shelf or in the corner of the room somewhere with a whole bunch of these dressing frames on them. Each frame is a basic wooden square or rectangle of wood, with a piece of fabric attached to each of the sides that can freely swing open and closed. In the middle, there will be a way to attach the two pieces of fabric. Perhaps you button them or lace them. You may have ribbons to tie into bows to connect them. They might have velcro or buckles and straps; Hooks and eyes, snaps, safety pins, zippers--really any clothing closure.
Maria designed these to teach independence, for sure. But they also help develop fine motor and hand strength, concentration, the understanding of the sequence of various procedures needed to successfully complete a task. They call to the child’s sense of order, as well!
Many Ways to Practice at Home
These can be expensive to buy, but if you’d like to DIY, these are really a pretty easy one! You can use a wooden picture frame - just take out the glass and make sure it's safe for children to handle (no sharp edges or staples poking out - that sort of stuff). You could also build your own frame with two pieces of wood and two dowel rods.
For the fabric, you can sew your own, or you can use clothing from a thrift store - just cut it up or otherwise secure it around the frame.
But you might not even specifically NEED dressing frames at home!
Children are drawn to practical work. If you already have some clothes that use these closures, pull them out! My young toddlers loved zipping and unzipping the sweatshirts and jackets I would wear. For more direct practice, I had this big woolly coat with these nice black buttons, and I hung it on the back of a chair backwards. Just model the skill carefully, with isolated and exaggerated movements.
My toddler would stand behind the chair and practice buttoning and unbuttoning over and over again! We did the same with dress shirts. My children practiced velcroing and un-velcroing their shoes. An old onesie on a doll or a stuffed animal is great for snapping. Lacing and unlacing can happen on a shoe; I did have one of these little wooden ones for practice.
Take stock of your children's own clothing, and look and see what is practical for them to learn how to do at the stage. If they don't need to tie their shoe yet, there's no need to worry about pushing or rushing that skill. Focus on the skill that is most useful to them; often zipping their own coat, or whatever closures might be on their shoes.
If the skill is appropriate for the child at this time, they will build their own concentration around it, driven to master and claim it for their own! The world is fascinating to young children, if we can open it up to them, and share our own fascination and wonder with them, too.
Gratitude
Today, I am grateful for frustrated moments when I was soooo tempted to tie my son's shoe, but he wanted to do it himself... and also for frustrated moments when I knew my son could tie his own shoes, but wanted ME to do it. I learned a LOT of patience!
