If You’ve Tried Montessori and It’s Not Working, You’re Probably Making This Mistake
The materials are on the shelf all ready to go. Everything looks perfect. You’ve logged a lot of hours researching how to give the lessons, too. You’re following all the Montessori homeschoolers on Instagram and read several great blog posts. You’ve got this!
But something still feels off.
When you give a lesson, your child isn’t paying attention. They don’t seem to care. The materials just sit on the shelf, and you’re hesitant to give another lesson because what if it flops? You know it probably will, so why bother?
And then finally, you catch yourself wondering—Did I mess this whole thing up already? Did I waste our time and money?
Sweet friend, we want you to know: you didn’t.
But honestly, there’s a good chance you are missing something crucial to your success.
It’s not just you. Everyone is new in the beginning.
We’ve heard this same story hundreds of times, and we can help you fix it.
Why Montessori Doesn’t Feel Like It’s Working (Yet)
Here’s the important thing to remember when you’re just starting out: Montessori looks simple on the surface, but we guarantee you that what’s going on inside your child’s head is anything but simple!
While you’re there trying to remember how to present the knobbed cylinders and in what order, your child is absorbing everything in their environment: sounds, colors, textures, patterns, sequencing order, smells, and also emotions…especially your emotions.
Did you know that children are highly attuned to your moods? They can sense when you have high expectations for certain outcomes, and they also know when you’re feeling deflated!
This may make them cautious to try new activities or resistant to your lessons.
In response, you may see either them showing outright defiance, ignoring you, or seeking the comfort of their familiar toys.
These are responses to stress, not a sign that the Montessori method “isn’t working”.
So What Do You Need to Do Differently?
We’ll tell you exactly what to do. Slow down. Observe your child. Trust the process.
Here’s a little story. One day we visited a monarch butterfly preserve, full of excitement and hope. I imagined butterflies swirling around us in tangerine clouds, resting on branches above and perhaps landing on us spontaneously a-la Bambi. You remember the scene!
But after two whole miles of walking, we hadn’t seen a single one. We were about to give up when David whispered, “I think I saw one.”
So this is what we did.
We stopped.
We stood completely still.
We listened to the birds and to the sound of our own breathing.
We felt the cool air brushing our cheeks.
And then, out of nowhere, a single monarch floated into view! It landed gently on a branch right in front of us, pausing just long enough to leave us awestruck, before fluttering down the path like a dream. We quietly followed it for a few paces, and then just as quickly as it appeared…it was gone.
What a gift!
You can't chase the butterfly into existence. You can’t control the butterfly in front of you. You have to put yourself in a quiet, beautiful space, wait for it to reveal itself, admire it, and let it go.
Observing your child is exactly the same.
Maria Montessori’s greatest advice to all guides, old and new, was one word: “Wait.”
Not rush.
Not teach.
Not correct.
Just...wait.
What utterly infuriating advice! And yet, when you become still and observe, you begin to see the quiet invitations your child is offering you. A fascination with pouring. A sudden joy in tracing letters. A need for big, purposeful movement.
You can't force these moments to happen.
You can only prepare the space, model with the materials as though you hadn’t an ulterior objective in the world and…and let your child’s learning unfold in their own perfect time.
What Happens When You Wait?
When you wait, you catch those fleeting windows of opportunity! (Dr. Montessori called them sensitive periods.) It’s where learning doesn’t feel forced. This is where the magic happens.
Your child will show you exactly when they’re ready and what they need.
.
You’ll be much more relaxed, and you’ll find yourself offering lessons at the perfect moment, without coaxing or feeling frustrated.
And instead of resistance, you’ll see joy. This kind of deep engagement begins and ends on its own, and you will find your rhythm in it.
You Are Already Standing in the Butterfly Preserve
If Montessori feels confusing right now, it’s not because you’ve failed. You are still learning how to lean into the natural cycles of learning that are happening in front of you.
Something out there is fluttering just out of view. If you stand still and wait…and watch…you will not miss it.
You’re not behind.
You’re not lost.
Promise: your little butterfly is closer than you think!
Finding the Flutter 🦋
If you want a little more support while you wait—some tools to help you observe your child and create that peaceful Montessori life together in a way that suits your personality, start by discovering Your Perfect Homeschool Routine.
It’s not just a fun quiz! It’s a pathway to rhythm, patience, and ultimately confidence, whether you’re that “outdoorsy” type or the bookworm. 📖 🐛
And if you're feeling ready for a full roadmap to guide your homeschooling journey, you can sign up for a free trial of our Montessori curriculum anytime.
You won’t be alone. We’ll make it work together!
