This Montessori is Too Strict. This One Is Too Loose. But THIS One? It’s Juuuust….
Let’s play a little game of Montessori Goldilocks, shall we?
You peek around someone’s Montessori instagram grid and think, “Wow. Those children are so calm, quiet, and focused. Is it always like this? It feels kind of…strict.”
Then you scroll through another and it looks like a total free-for-all—kids giggling with a pile of blocks, golden beads, and half-finished projects on the floor. And you think, “Wait…is this Montessori?”
It’s easy to get confused. Half of the parents who find us already have one of these misconceptions, and maybe like you, they’re looking to figure out if there’s a better answer.
And here it is: Montessori, when done well, is neither too strict nor too loose. It leaves room for both concentration during the quiet introspective moments and the boisterous laughter. We want children to be children, and we believe that deep down they know what’s best for their own learning. When we guide them with gentleness and hold firm, reasonable boundaries, we find that beautiful balance.
Freedom…Within Limits!
Maria Montessori spoke often about the freedom that children of her time and locale (early 1900’s, Italy) were so often deprived of due to being allocated to the nursery and thought of as uneducable. We argue that this lack of freedom still exists today in the form of too much screentime and a helicoptered family lifestyle.
"Without freedom it is impossible for personality to develop fully. Freedom is the key to the entire process, and the first step comes when the individual is capable of acting without help from other and becomes aware of himself as an autonomous being." - Maria Montessori, Education and Peace
When we shelter our children indoors instead of immersing them in nature or suppress their natural desires for learning because “it’s too messy” or “it’s too loud” or “it’s bedtime already”, we are not giving them the freedom they need to develop their own unique, wonderful little personalities.
I know this is hard to hear, but try not to take it too personally, friend. We live in a culture that makes it difficult on us as parents. We’re constantly judged and in constantly bombarded by fearmongering. Knives? They cut food but also could cut fingers. The great outdoors? Poison ivy. Monkey bars? Broken arms. No wonder we want to bundle up our babes in bubble wrap!
Montessori offers a “just right” approach that can help you feel LESS afraid and MORE empowered. IT’s the perfect balance of freedom within limits.
Let’s talk about what that looks like in action.
Offering Choices
Give your child the freedom to choose their own learning journey. But limit it by preparing your home with materials and opportunities that are developmentally aligned.
For example, when your child is in the kitchen, teach them how to use tools that are safer to use, like a blunt-tipped knife, and have those tools available for them. It’s pretty easy to do this as your child grows and develops stronger skills over time.
In our family, we started with couple of very cute jam spreaders, moved onto a butter knive, introduced a slightly serrated blunt-tipped steak knife, then gave many lessons using a sharp paring knife, and finally (!) direct instruction on the mid-size chef’s knife, which fit perfectly into our elementary child’s hand. With each progression through skill levels, our children’s choices of appropriate knifes widened and varied. New permissions were granted, but it all started with those first few adorable jam spreaders and the choice of spreading hummus vs. nut butter every day for snack.
Giving choices builds confidence and self-direction. That’s real freedom! The limits you set on the tools and activities keep them safe.
Do It By Self!
Many people hear the words “I want to do it all by myself!” or as our firstborn used to repeatedly say as a toddler, “Do it SELF!” Now we’re not telling you to let your two year old cross the street alone. Goodness, please set that limit until they are older and really, truly ready! We are saying that you should give your child the freedom to:
Pour their own water
Put on mismatched socks
Brush their teeth
Wash their hands
Wipe up spills
Set the table
Feed themselves
Sweep the floor
Pack their backpack
Make their own lunch
Moving At Will
Maybe your child wants to sit and concentrate for a bit? That’s great, but most kids, even when sitting, are constantly moving. The only exception to this we can think of is when our kids were sitting in front of the TV or iPad. Then our wild’n’wonderful bouncy pouncy little tiggers turned into motionless, brain-zonked zombies. Even though it was convenient to have a little time for ourselves, we knew it wasn’t natural or normal behavior.
When we set a limit on Bluey for the day, we are helping our children cue into their physical needs in the real world. By giving our children the freedom to learn anywhere and everywhere (not just sitting at a desk), we are helping them to reach their potential.
Why This Matters
This “just right” zone is what fosters independent, empathetic, awesome children who love learning. This is what we do in Montessori! It isn’t too strict. It isn’t too lose. It’s freedom within limits. It’s structured and flexible.
Your child was designed to live a beautiful, giggly existence with pockets of focus, and by learning the Montessori method, you can give your child this absolute best of the best education right from the very beginning.
Goldilocks, You Found It!
Our Child of the Redwoods Curriculum offers:
A complete, comprehensive scope and sequence so you always know what comes next
Fully scripted foundational lessons so you can teach with confidence
The Montessori Planning Card System to help you prepare with ease
Access to 50+ themes and 10 core subjects for developmentally-aligned family fun
Take the Perfect Homeschool Routine Quiz to get started. We’re rooting for you!
